The environmentalist in me is still trying to convince him that cremation is the earth friendly method of leaving. He, however, has an illogical fear of burning. I kid him that I'll be able to make all his final decisions -and that it really doesn't matter how I handle them since he will be, after all, dead. But, I am just kidding.
He's still not sure.
His most important request: a good band at his funeral. He tells me he's already cleared it with Amigone's (note to non-Buffalonians - one of the larger funeral homes is actually owned by the Amigone family - I know, I know - a most unfortunate last name for a funeral home).
I'm not talking about the "What's it all about, Alfie?" tune, but rather the Sonny Rollins tune - take a listen here: http://www.ilike.com/artist/Sonny+Rollins/track/Alfie's+Theme
He figures we can teach everyone the tune in less than 90 seconds.
Bizarre? Completely. But, he's talked about it for so long that I know he is 100% serious. So, if I manage to comply with his statistical analysis, I promise to procure, distribute and teach the tune to all the Kazoo players in attendance.
You do know that there is a Kazoo Factory, Museum, and Gift Shop in Eden, NY - don't you?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.edenkazoo.com/index.php
They even sell Black Plastic Joke Kazoos
...Specify: Over the Hill, Old as Dirt,
29 Forever, 39 Forever, 49 Forever, 59 Forever,
29, 30, 40, 50, 60 & Still Humming
Item #: 1239
Price: $1.75
Tell Bill that he should buy a square inch of land somewhere in his favorite place on earth. Then when he is cremated you can stuff him into an old cigar tube and shove him into that square inch.
ReplyDelete